Tag Archives: funny

Cookie Cartel

8 Feb

In honor of National Girl Scout Cookie Day, I’m turning my little eye to organization’s $700 million dollar cookie business. Now that’s a lot of flour. 1,050,000 pounds to be exact.

 

According to Little Brownie Bakers, a division of Keebler owned by Kellogg specifically created to produce Girl Scout cookies, meeting peak season also demands a recipe of  300,000 pounds of shortening, 650,000 pounds of sugar,  230,000 pounds of peanut butter, 50,000 pounds of cocoa and 500,000 pounds of chocolate coating.

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Stranger on a Plane

13 Dec

Planes are flying boxes of chocolate: You never know what you’re going to get. When travelling to a destination layered with layovers, the odds are against you. The likelihood that you’ll land a seat next to that one type of person that you spend your entire life trying to avoid double. My flight to Las Vegas was a perfect example. Continue reading

Green Beer & Hoody Hoos

20 Mar

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”  ~Dr. Seus

“Alright, single ladies! Who’s miserable?” a guy joked from behind as he eyed the five of us trembling in the snaking line outside the bar on St. Patty’s Day. It didn’t bother me. I was too busy wiggling to snatches of songs as music escaped from the revolving doors. After working an eight-hour shift at the mall, there I was, heels and all, tired but eager to savor a much-needed break from the work, sleep, repeat routine I’d been following religiously for the last few weeks.

I wasn’t there to find a boo. I was there to swig some green beer, let down my hair and enjoy myself, if only for a couple of hours: I did have to be at work at 10 the next morning. After downing the night’s special and swallowing back tears over a much too large shot of Jose Cuervo, I could care less about anybody’s feelings. I snickered while pushing away an unwanted dance partner, smirked as I swatted  a wandering hand from my waist. I felt invincible, fearless even and gladly accepted the role of bodyguard for myself and the entire group. Continue reading