The Perfect Smile

20 Oct

smileBefore I even reached the cash register, I stared at the items cradled in my arms: black leatherette lace-up gloves, golden lace gloves, suede feathered elbow bands and a ginormous bag of Pirate’s Booty I planned to devour as soon as I left the store. I’m not sold on the black gloves, I admitted before “Mommy! Mommy!” interrupted my thoughts. I glanced towards the basket where she sat. Plaits swinging, head twisting side to side with arms uplifted, her “Mommy, mommy” song continued even though her Mom stood inches away. As soon as the mom took a step or two away, her chorus resumed. Continue reading

Pen Thief

11 Mar

pen_1Stolen is such a strong word. When it comes to pens, I prefer something a little less evil. Certainly the theft of a little writing utensil is on a different scale than the theft of a purse, card or car.

Especially if the owner never realizes it’s gone. I first realized I had a pen problem nearly three years ago when I was working at Paul Quinn College. Continue reading

Screwed?!?

18 Feb

129805140_iS_lost_xlargeIt had vanished. I had searched every crevice of my Jetta, Dad’s Escape and Mom’s Sonata. I’d evem interrogated their resident crumbs and coins. “Where was it?” I begged of them. They donated neither clue nor alibi.

The bag itself was nothing special: Just a reformed plastic package that held the essentials of vendor life. But every screw, nut, bolt or stake that mattered was zipped inside. Continue reading

Best Served Warm: Better Late than Never

23 Jan

yumPresident Obama’s State of the Union Address was peppered with nuggets that could have forced a hurrah or amen from just about every American: That was the goal, wasn’t it? To give people, whether rich, poor or middle class, LGBT, Hispanic, Black, Native American, Asian, White or as Ompa Loompa-orange as John Boehner, something to latch onto. But it’s a tall order: Serving dreamers, Selma, ISIS, free community college, free childcare, higher taxes on the wealthy, higher minimum wage and sexual liberties with a quote from the Pope to a room as polarized as oil and water sounds like a recipe for disaster. Continue reading

Cookie Cartel

8 Feb

In honor of National Girl Scout Cookie Day, I’m turning my little eye to organization’s $700 million dollar cookie business. Now that’s a lot of flour. 1,050,000 pounds to be exact.

 

According to Little Brownie Bakers, a division of Keebler owned by Kellogg specifically created to produce Girl Scout cookies, meeting peak season also demands a recipe of  300,000 pounds of shortening, 650,000 pounds of sugar,  230,000 pounds of peanut butter, 50,000 pounds of cocoa and 500,000 pounds of chocolate coating.

Continue reading

What’s Up, Doc?

8 Jan

I squirmed on the tissue paper, feet dangling in the air as I waited to ahhhhhhh for the doctor in the tiny examination room. All I had was a little cough and runny nose. But that didn’t keep me from getting antsy. The moments spent behind the closed exam door, staring at posters of the human anatomy and a massive bottle of hand sanitizer are always my most intense. As time crawls, tinkers with butterflies and then simply takes a nap, the shoe symphony plays in the hallway: the dragging feet of other patients like myself uneager to take their seat in a nearby room, the frenetic shuffling techs and nurses shepherding guests in the maze from scale to blood pressure station to room.  And now, the big finish, as the self-assured, not too fast or too slow stroll of the doctor is heard pounding the linoleum as he or she strides from one room to the next, pausing to read the charts and to summon a smile: What’s up, doc?

School of Gridlock

24 Nov

roadrageTraffic is simply part of most American commuters’ workplace reality: According to TAMU’s 2012 Annual Urban Mobility Report released back in February, we spend the equivalent of a full work week a year glaring at another driver’s license plate. Talk about road rage. During my time stuck in a little Ford Focus with a certain omniscient amphibian plastered to it side, I’ve conducted a little research of my own: How to navigate the wild, wild west of terrible traffic. Continue reading