Cold Turkey

23 Nov

The bulging laundry bag and scattered papers refused to be ignored any longer. Thanksgiving Break, with the canceled meetings and extra time falling into my lap meant cleaning was bumped from the backburner.

As I tidied my makeshift library, made the bed, straightened the dresser and tossed the contents of the laundry bag into the washer outside with resignation, my mind wandered to areas of my life that could also use a good cleaning. The unanswered stacks of love letters from a friend currently in prison.  The unopened texts from others requesting dinner, a hello or forgiveness. The nagging question of what I would be doing next year, careerwise. Grad school? Reporting for a larger publication? Ending my stint in journalism altogether for something more lucrative?

These thoughts, that normally would be pushed to the recesses of mind, paraded themselves front and center as I discarded the unwanted and unneeded junk that qualified as trash and tucked away the rest for another day. I thought about my life. More specifically my uncanny bad luck in my love life. It wasn’t really bad luck. More like bad choosing, I chuckled to myself. The warning signs were always there. I simply ignored them. I thought about my friends. The ones who had gotten me through the rockiest times of my life. And who had simply disappeared. I thought about what I am most thankful for. My stumbles. My mistakes. My hardships. These things have made who I am. My family and their unwavering support. But most of all, my faith in myself, in tomorrow and in He who holds it all. And decided to quit sabotaging myself with the fear of screwing it all up.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest of the glory of God that is within us, and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”

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4 Responses to “Cold Turkey”

  1. Mao's Army November 24, 2011 at 9:37 pm #

    Fantastic post, I can relate to a lot of what your saying and i’m going to add my own thoughts later. Not sure if Prof. Miller would be a big fan of you ending in a quote, because she didn’t like it when I did that. Nonetheless, truly a fantastic post.

    Like

    • lcooksmarketer1 November 28, 2011 at 12:12 am #

      Haha. You’re right. Miller would not be a fan. Thanks for the feedback, Hao. I really appreciate it.

      Like

  2. Brian Bynum November 28, 2011 at 3:34 am #

    Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

    Mmmm! Deeeeep within the inner being(thoughts), Lashonda. You definitely touched upon a true thought. You also answered it correctly! Keep giving your Best and give to Him the Rest…

    Like

    • lcooksmarketer1 November 28, 2011 at 8:49 am #

      Thanks for reading, Brian! I have that quote hanging on my wall and read it every morning before I wake up. It is by Marianne Williamson.

      Like

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