The Cost of Independence

20 Sep

“You’re treating, right?” I asked with caution. The words awkwardly tumbled from my lips. It’s a question I have never had to ask a guy before. It was always assumed, implied in his request for an evening on the town. But with this guy, things were different.

 A few weeks ago, after a series of phone calls ended in my polite declines for a party of two, he gave me a bit of an ultimatum: Face time or no time. With a deep sigh, I agreed. Part of me was curious about the up and coming musician and was eager to see if what they say about Sagittarius women and Aquarius men was true. So, we set a date.

It wasn’t until the car ride to the restaurant that the issue of money arose. Apparently, he didn’t get paid until the follow week and was nervous about me ordering something extravagant. We were going to a Caribbean restaurant. An inexpensive one at that: I assured him that I wouldn’t break the bank.

And then sweetly advised that the next time he begs someone for a date, he should have the funds to back it up.

That night, back home in my bed, I thought about the date. Was I being impractical? I mean, neither of us were millionaires. And apart from that whole money thing, we had hit it off. So, a week later, when he asked to see me again, I decided to give him another try.

This time, we were in a Mexican restaurant, oogling at the menu as a soundtrack of salsa beats played in the background. After spending much of the night at Kinkos redesigning some business cards, we were both tired . . .  and starving. We both began shamelessly drooling when our server for the evening mentioned “The Big E,” the restaurant’s signature margarita for two.

“Okay, I’ll pay for the food if you pay for the drinks,” he offered.

Wait. What?

 I made sure I had heard him correctly. Don’t get me wrong. I’m certainly not a gold digger. I don’t mind throwing my card into the mix every now and then. But it has always been at my leisure. Never before had any date had the audacity to volunteer my card and money.

Something snapped.

“I’m not paying, so I guess we’re not drinking then,” I countered as the waitress excused herself from our drama. So there.

Yet, minutes later, we were both eagerly sucking on straws from a goblet of liquor.I know. I know. I hate to admit it, but I had caved. That drink was calling me, man. Surely, splitting the bill this time wasn’t that big of a deal.

But now, this same cat was on the other end of the phone, asking me out again.

 “You’re treating, right?” I repeated.

Long pause.

“Well, I can. . .” he began before launching a string of words that basically said that he felt the burden should be shared.

My response? That whoever asks should be the one that pays.

I probed deeper into his idea of treating.  Turns out he wanted to go to Studio Movie Grill, a theater that also serves a full menu food and drinks. Which was fine, except he had no plans of ordering anything to eat. Nope. Just paying for the movie. If that.

“Why not just go to a regular theater then,” I asked, unable to believe my ears.

“Because I like that one,” he replied.

I wondered who had spoiled him so. I know, today many ladies eagerly grab the checks on dates. Well, not I. Not when it’s an expectation. One of the greatest perks of being a woman is being treated like one. I’m talking doors opening, check-grabbing, etcetera. We’ve earned it, ladies and by golly I plan to take advantage of it.

Maybe I’m a wee bit old-fashioned, but I think some men and women alike are pimping this whole Ms. Independent thing as a way to thinly veil being cheap. 


I’ve dated men where all we did was head to museums, parks, free or inexpensive events where we got to know one another without any significant cost. But shamelessly asking to go out, mindful of your budget and then resolving to push the expense on an unsuspecting date, to me, is just wrong.


I would love to hear what others, men and women alike, think about this. Weigh in with comments and thoughts below.


8 Responses to “The Cost of Independence”

  1. jay September 21, 2011 at 6:12 am #

    I agree with both sides of the issue…but here is the continual mental conditioning of assuming one innocence one’s entitlement one’s power that you can compare in any Human Racist…but we have a second serial killer in this modern world now…a Human Sexist…there is alarm in me, there is a quiet warfare between men and women using silent weapons of mass destruction..a shift in the defintion of LOVE….Peace to the Revolution~~~!!!Love is my career… know that!!!


    • lcooksmarketer1 September 21, 2011 at 10:19 am #

      Thanks Jay, for weighing in. Dating is an interview, I realize that. Both of us are determining whether or not we want to ‘hire’ the other. So, I’ve been re-examining my definition of dating,love and relationships as well. Thanks again for the feedback.


  2. peacelovegreen101 September 21, 2011 at 8:59 am #

    ‘Someone’ wanted me to read this….I found it very interesting….although, I, too am a bit traditional, my eyes have been open to an ever changing world. Chivalry is always nice, but I found is lost with the younger generation. Maybe because of the absence of father figures, or the whole Ms Independent thing that you mentioned. I think your feelings toward this guy shouldn’t change because of this incident. However, I don’t believe he should have been asking you out to dinner unless he had money to fit the bill. He could have found, like you said, something inexpensive for you guys to do that would have been equally enjoyable and maybe even a lil more creative that the usual dinner date. The whole Studio Movie Grill thing is just crazy… it sounds like he was hoping to get there and then you order drinks/food that he didn’t want to be liable for, because if it was just a movie he wanted then go to a regular theatre! I don’t think you were wrong for asking him if he was getting the bill after the first date when he just threw out there –you get the drinks. For all he knew, you could have been broke that night, then what….?!?!

    Love the blog, btw!!!


    • lcooksmarketer1 September 21, 2011 at 10:22 am #

      Haha. Thank that person for me. Yeah, the Studio Movie Grill thing got me. Ultimately, he and I ended up falling out over something completely unrelated to money. Lol. Dating is such a toss-up. Thanks for the feedback! I really appreciate it.


  3. Mao's Army October 13, 2011 at 4:10 pm #

    OMG, I can’t believe I just read this just now. This is definitely my favorite post from your blog. This was informative, shocking, funny, and persuasive. I love how you started this blog. Anyways, you are 100% right about this, if a guy asks you on a date he should pay. Here’s what I think about that guy: dude is STINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGY!


    • lcooksmarketer1 October 15, 2011 at 12:36 am #

      Thanks Hao! Glad you enjoyed reading. You’re right: He was very cheap and stingy.


  4. R. Allen December 3, 2011 at 4:01 pm #

    I don’t like the idea of chilvary, but you are right. No money; no requests…


    • lcooksmarketer1 December 4, 2011 at 10:38 pm #

      Haha. That’s what I’m saying. And if you don’t have it, be honest and lemme know ahead of time. Both of us can’t be broke. LOL. Thanks for reading.


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